I'm jealous of your bromance
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We have started to decorate penises.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
