we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
