benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
