i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
