There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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