i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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