there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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