singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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