I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
