ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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