You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
