I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if only i could text you this smell
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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