The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
