Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
