That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
