his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
zippers are such a cool invention
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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