there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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