You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
