The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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