He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
