i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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