I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
