Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
