u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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