Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
