Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
