dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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