Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
