Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
