Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
