Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.

Fav 4 3808 1001
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons

Fav 5 3143 1277
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(443): View more from Maryland

My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.

Fav 8 3951 923
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(979): View more from Texas

It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.

Fav 6 2047 1115
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(406): View more from Montana

Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me

Fav 4 802 590
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(914): View more from New York

Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.

Fav 0 664 485
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(269): View more from Michigan

Strip club or gay bar tonight?

(989): View more from Michigan

I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.

Fav 1 606 206
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.

Fav 0 39 16
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(812): View more from Indiana

My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.

Fav 0 27 67
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