random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
