All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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