she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
