my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
