I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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