11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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