College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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