I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
