Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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