If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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