Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
