So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am mentally ready for anal.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
