i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
