I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
