If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
