I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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