I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We have started to decorate penises.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
