Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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