Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
